Talk about a short limb.

Sitting in the mall food court with my boyfriend, talking, was wonderful. Up until the point where we started talking about what our friends have said about one another. Ugh, well fuck my life, he told me that his black mexican friend, that I thought was cool, has told him to cheat on me, multiple times. I was beyond livid, his friend and I, not naming names, were cool; we talked all the time. If one of my friends ever told me to cheat on my boyfriend, I'd slap them then I'd never talk to them again.

My temper tolerance is non-existent today. My boyfriend has the nerve to go to the mall with this "dumbass not real friend who always tries to fuck our relationship up" right now. I can't really explain my feelings at the moment.

I'm procrastinating on my essay I have to write that's due tomorrow to write this. This goes back to my first blog, boys are pigs, all of them. Why would you still talk to someone, nevertheless; HANG OUT WITH THEM if they told you to cheat on your girlfriend/boyfriend of ONE YEAR AND THREE MONTHS.

*UPDATE - apparently he didn't go to the Mall he just went to the 'YMCA'. I told him I don't want him talking to that guy anymore, and he tells me I'm not allowed to talk to my best girl friend?! Uhm, no. I bitched him out about that, and he said "Fine I won't talk to him or hang out with him, but I may still go to the YMCA to play bball with him". That would be the same exact thing if I went to the YMCA to play bball with Travis, the boy who he told me not to talk to ever again, that would be the same thing. I got so pissed I through my phone. He also told me that him and his friend talked about the cheating thing, and his friend told him he never said to cheat on me. Guess the fuck what, my boyfriend will believe him, he ALWAYS does. I don't want to talk to anyone the rest of the night. It's been one hell of a day.

I'm so pissed I don't know what to do right now. Why are boys idiots? It's the lifelong question that every girl would die to know the answer of. My boyfriend has told me, multiple times, to stop talking to my guy friends, I listened. I do so much for this kid, what else can I do, can't he do something back? If he were reading this, he'd definately say the opposite.

"I buy you so much shit, I do so much more you", well I just told him the other day that he can't buy me. What did he say back? He said "Oh yes I can", WRONG, the correct answer was - your right, I can't buy you, your priceless babe. My mind is stuck in this dream world, it's unfair.

I had a dream last night, it was awful. I kept trying to call my boyfriend, but his phone was going straight to voicemail. "Hey it's Zach, I go to Central Catholic High School, Leave me a message I'll get back to you" Well I was pissed, why didn't he tell me he changed his schools?! So I drove to Central, parked my car stormed up to his classroom and waited until he got out. When he got out he was so shocked to see me, we walked to the front of the school to "talk". Well, as soon as we got out there five gorgeous, skinny, blonde and brunettes walked up to him. They're like "So your new, we hear you have a girlfriend of over a year-" I interupted and stood in front of him and was like "Yeah thats me, whats it to you" and mind you, this whole time he is smiling. The girls were like "Well we know he thinks we're hot, he's been staring at us all day. Things between you two are going to change - AND FAST". I didn't know what to do, I looked back and forth between them and ran to my car crying. When I got to my car I tried getting in it and locking it before he could, but it didn't work. We sat in my car, I put my head on the steering wheel and started crying, hard. I said, "Thanks for sticking up for me, you smiled the whole fucking time". Then, I woke. Couldn't get back to sleep for a half hour. I woke up crying and pissed, thinking it was all real.

I hate that, when you wake up and think a dream/nightmare is real, but really it's not. That can really screw things up.

I have a headache.

These days.

People are too funny these days. I lift every monday, wednesday, and friday - with my partner. Well my partner texts me after school, she asks me for a ride, then I reply; saying yes, she's like "oh its fine my mom said she'd drop me off" and I'm like "uh ok", and she's like "yeah I'm not going I don't feel good". Wth? Whatever, everyone is hanging with really random people as well. Eh, I guess I just feel as if I am losing, or par say drifting apart, from a lot of people these days.

The majority, 97% of my friends, either smoke weed, pot, drink, binge, do anything related to that. I couldn't care to do that stuff in my life. I understand they think it's fun, some of them do it to numb their pain, there are so many better ways to have fun or help yourself in whatever your feeling. I just pray for them, they're not going in a good direction; it's really starting to bother me. I'm pretty sure the reason I'm either losing my friends, or "drifting" away from them is because I don't do that, I actually stick up for myself. I appreciate that they don't pressure me to do any of that too.

My boyfriend and I seem to be doing much better since this past weekend, it's amazing how things change. Honestly, at this point in my life, I could care less what anyone thinks about our relationship. Around summertime, before I move away for college, I plan on saving up enough money to buy him a promise ring. I am already writing a long letter, telling him everything I promise I will do, and will not do, when I'm away from him at college. When I get enough money to buy him the ring, I will put it on his finger and read out loud my letter, hopefully he doesn't think this is stupid, because it sure as hell means a lot to me.

I guess I'm lifting alone today, that should be fun. I have class later, which I'm even more ecstatic for. I still have to finish typing a two page paper for sociology, which I definately think it will NOT be that long. Ugh.

I have a headache.

Males are dishonorable.

I honestly can say, I cannot stand males. They're pigs all of them, yes your boyfriends are pigs, my boyfriend is a pig. I don't understand why in some relationships guys have to sign up on dating sites, or some "sexy people" site. For instance, if your dating someone don't sign up on Adult Friend Finder your basically just asking for trouble.

For me, well, I'm very territorial. I don't want any sluts looking or even talking to my man, if he's dating me; he's mine. Sure, call me a bitch I don't care thats just how I am. I get jealous with absolutely everything that could possibly come to mind. I'll be in the mall with my boyfriend, and he can just look at another girl and I'll get pissed. He says the only reason I get jealous is because I can't accept how "beautiful" I really am. He's full of shit. He says I "compare myself to others". HA, no I just know for a fact that guys can't stand being in a relationship without thinking some girls are more gorgeous than their girlfriends. It's a proven fact.

It could also do with my lack of trust. Who, while dating someone for one year and three months, has lack of trust in their relationship? Apparently me. The Past is fucking up my Present and Future. It's starting to get old.

Next year is going to blow. Sure people can complain how much time I spend with my boyfriend, I don't care. Obviously I'm hanging out with him for a reason. Sorry if I don't hang out with whoever is concerned, not my fault. I guess it just comes with the relationship. I am very scared for college. Not the academics or anything, I'm fine with all that. I'm scared for my friendships and my relationship with my boyfriend. I just know he's going to find some older, more hot, more easy college whore to go to. He'd be pissed if he knew I was saying this, it always leads us into an arguement.

Thats another thing, we can't go ONE day without arguing. So I guess my temper is less than .002 seconds. I get mad at everything, but maybe I just get sick of stupid shit that stupid people say.

I have a headache.